Monthly Archives: May 2011

Update

You’re not going to believe this. The hospital screwed up…again. This time they did actually fax the results of my blood work to my doctor, but THEY DIDN’T RUN THE ACTUAL PREGNANCY TEST!!!! It’s outrageous. They tested my progesterone/estrogen levels (which were excellent, in case you were concerned), but they didn’t test my hCG beta levels, which is the only way to confirm pregnancy!! Needless to say I’m furious, and pretty upset. Dr. J’s nurse called to tell me and I broke down. Luckily the lab still had the blood sample so I didn’t have to go in twice today and they were running the test stat, but it didn’t finish before Dr. J’s office closed at 4pm (3pm our time). Now I get to wait until tomorrow morning to find out what I could have known yesterday. I just want to know. Please. That’s all. After all that we’ve been through, please just get us our results.

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What the Fax?

We discovered the reason for the no-call-back-from doctor issue that we experienced on Saturday. The hospital never faxed over the results!! Isn’t that unbelievable? Just seconds after they took my blood and I asked how long it would take for Dr. J’s office to receive the test results they just didn’t even bother to send them over. They have to go somewhere, right? Blood test results can’t just sit in a laboratory forever. Obviously if a doctor orders blood work he or she would most likely want to see it so that he or she can do his or her job and diagnose the patient. It’s just incredibly frustrating, because obviously these test results were highly anticipated and it’s my life (and sanity) we’re talking about!

Now on to the results themselves…the nurse told me that my hCG beta levels were at 255 on Saturday, and that it is a great first number! The look for a level between 5 and 500 for the first test and she seemed pretty optimistic. So I go back tomorrow to see if the levels have at least doubled. If so, we’re on our way!! If not we’ll go from there and take it day by day.

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In Memoriam

Today is Memorial Day and people all over the country will be going to the pool, barbecuing with family and friends, leaving flowers at grave sites, and reflecting on the lives of their friends and loved ones who have passed. C and I will just be trying to keep busy to make today go by as fast as possible so that tomorrow morning we can get test #2, call the doctor, and get some answers.

Though one might not think it, Memorial Day can actually be tough for an infertile couple; all those family cook outs where well-intentioned aunts and uncles are asking “When are you going to have kids?”, abstaining from alcohol because this time, this time really might be the real deal, embarrassed to wear a bathing suit because your stomach is bruised and bloated from shots and medications, and dwelling on the beautiful lives that could have been for those tiny embryos for whom you had so much love, but were lost.

I have so much respect, love, and sympathy for those who have gone down this road before me. The physical and emotional strength that it takes to keep going after each loss is staggering, and I would never wish that grief on anyone.

So even as today C and I have that tiny glimmer of hope shining at us, we still need to keep ourselves grounded and realistic and know that, no matter what tomorrow brings, there is still a long journey ahead of us.

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Stay Cool pt. II

Okay. As some of you have figured out, after yesterday’s pregnancy blood test I never got a call from the doctor!! I waited all day and even into the night (“They could totally call at 9:30pm. Who knows?”). I couldn’t call in the afternoon to inquire after my results because the office closes at 10am on Saturdays (9am our time) and when the office is closed you can’t leave a message. At all. Your only option is to call the on-call physician if it’s something “urgent that can’t wait until the next business day.” Well, this isn’t really urgent, at least to you…it’s pretty urgent to me.

I’m trying not to get angry or upset. Someone dropped the ball, whether it was my hospital here who perhaps didn’t send the results to Dr. J, or maybe my papers got shuffled around at Dr. J’s office and it just didn’t make it to the call-back pile, or maybe one of the nurses just thought that one of the other nurses was going to do it. Whatever happened, I’m just trying to keep cool.

The only information they could have given me for this first test is the amount of hCG betas in my blood. If the levels are less than 5, it’s a negative. If they are between 5 and 500 it’s a “not necessarily negative.” You have to wait to compare it to the levels in your 2nd test to determine any true reults. If they’ve gone down, you’re not. If they’ve at least doubled, you are. If they’ve gone up a bit, something could be wrong.

Due to the fact that I’ve been getting positive home pregnancy tests (as in, I’ve taken five. FIVE. Yes, you may call me a psycho), odds are that my hCG levels are at least 50, which a blood test would have put in the “not necessarily negative” range. So, if I look at this situation pragmatically I can use logic to keep myself from exploding with maniacal tension and just assume that I already have all the information possible before my next test on Monday. Oh wait. It’s not until Tuesday.

Damn you, Memorial Day.

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Breakfast and Blood Work

I just got back from the hospital to have my blood drawn for my first hCG beta test. (Yes, that means that I was there at 6:40am…I couldn’t sleep anyway!) The nurse said that Dr. J should have the results in about 30 minutes. I just hope that they look at them soon and call!

Though I do have hope and high expectations, at this point, I’m not even really excited. I’m just anxious. And hungry. Like, stomach-growling-out-loud hungry. Time for some breakfast to keep my mind off of things. Fingers crossed!

***Addendum***

It is 4pm (5pm Indiana time) and I have still NOT heard anything!! I am not incredibly pleased…

 

***Addendum II***

5:30pm. I think they forgot. How could they not call?! Now I literally will not be able to get ahold of anyone in the office until Tuesday because of the holiday. I’m pretty upset.

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Cautiously Optimistic

Sooooo…I did it. My friend told me not to. My husband told me not to. My mother told me not to, but I did it anyway. Early yesterday morning I remembered that I had a leftover pregnancy test in the linen closet. So, I took it. And…



It’s kind of blurry, but I hope you can see that it is a definite PLUS sign! Now, no one can get too excited here. There are a slew of things this could mean. 1) It could mean that I’m pregnant. Obviously this is the most desired option. 2) It could mean that the test picked up traces of hCG leftover from my trigger shot 16 days ago, which isn’t to say that I couldn’t actually be pregnant… 3) It could mean that I have a chemical or ectopic pregnancy, which is clearly the worst of these options. And plus, even if it is option 1 (please, oh please let it be option 1) there are still many risks of miscarriage and other horrors.

You might think, “But Kate, WHY would you do this if there are so many questions left unanswered? Aren’t you going to be just torturing yourself until Saturday’s blood test?” Well, concerned reader,the response to your query would be both “Because I can” and “Because it was the one thing that could possibly keep me sane until Saturday.”  You see, after I peed on that stick yesterday I was able to hold a positive pregnancy test in my hand for the first time ever.

When I saw that blue cross I can’t really describe how I felt. Only those women who have gone through the same trials that I have know the torment that accompanies test after test of negative results. To finally be holding that little piece of plastic that actually had TWO lines was almost mind-numbing.  I was in total disbelief. I was ecstatic. I immediately started planning my baby’s future while simultaneously listing all the things that could go wrong between now and delivery, or even between now and next week after blood test #2! I was so confused and conflicted that I almost didn’t tell C that I even took the stupid test.

I still have to wait until tomorrow when I have my first hCG beta blood test to see what is really happening, then my follow up is on Tuesday. I just feel more prepared for the wait by knowing that there may be a chance that we’re going to be a family. I still am anxious, but now my little speck of hope, that had been withering, is coming back to life and growing in my heart.

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Good to Know

Until about 2pm today I truly thought that it was Tuesday. How did I lose an entire day? Truthfully I don’t care because the fact that it is actually Wednesday makes me so happy! That’s one less day to wait for The Big Test!! It will be here soon…I can make it til then!

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