C’mon Baby, Feel the (Loco)Motion

My little babies are each weighing about 7 ounces now and are about the size of bell peppers. I prefer to think of one as a red pepper and one as yellow, because I do not particularly care for the green bell peppers, unless they are cooked in a fajita or on a Philly cheese steak (neither situation, I feel, applies to my twins, so you can see why I chose red and yellow peppers).  And yes, since you were most likely wondering, both of those dishes sound incredible right now and it is 7:30 in the morning. Food cravings and ravenous hunger are pretty common in this stage of pregnancy, especially when one is growing two people…it is hungry work; like roofing or threshing or the like.

As of yesterday I am 18 weeks along, which in a twin pregnancy (due to the high probability that we’ll deliver early) means I am HALFWAY done! It is exciting and still quite unbelievable; except for one little thing…

I felt our babies MOVE yesterday! It was so thrilling, and exactly what I have been waiting for! I was sitting at my desk before school started, just typing some emails when suddenly I felt this sensation slightly up and to the right of my belly button. This sounds strange, but it almost as if there was a hand wiggling its knuckles on the underside of my skin. There were other sensations, as well; “popcorn-like” pops, large bubbles, and flutters. It was amazing and lasted for about two minutes.

I also know it was not a fluke, or gas, or hunger pangs, because I felt them several other times throughout the day…including when one of my Spanish I students was doing a speaking test. I felt them as he was counting from 1-30 in Spanish, and I got so distracted that I let him get all the way to 39 before I noticed and stopped him! A few times last night as I was reading I could feel them, as well. So exciting!

So, overall, I am pleased to report that I actually, 100% am pregnant with twins. I finally got my confirmation yesterday…at 18 weeks. :)



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Just a Happy Post

Today I had a routine OB appointment after school (My doctor is so amazing and lets me make appointments after the last one of the day so that I don’t have to use sick days!). There really is nothing incredibly special to report, I’m just feeling a happy, pregnant glow since everything is going well.

I’ve been feeling good, with only a few bouts of nausea here and there. Though I still am unable to feel them move, I’ve just been getting bigger and bigger. My stomach is measuring at 22 weeks…even though today I am only 17 weeks and 5 days (right on target for twins)! Everything looks fantastic, according to Dr. G. My blood pressure is spectacular, and I’ve gained 12.3lbs, a very respectable number for expecting two of these little buggers.

The best part of today’s appointment, however, was getting to hear them again on the Doppler. A Doppler is a hand-held device (kind of looks like a small microphone with a battery pack) that sends and receives sound waves through skin and tissue, then amplifies that sound. It allows us to hear the heartbeats of the babies without an ultrasound. Last time I heard them it was very exciting because you could clearly hear two distinct heart beats; the rates and even the cadences were even different! It was a great reminder that these little turnips are individuals and not necessarily just part of a “set.”

Today’s Doppler session added another dimension to the abdominal auditory voyeurism. Along with the heart beats, today we could hear them moving! I can’t feel them yet, but we could hear them turn around and shift and kick! I didn’t know what the sound was until Dr. G said “That’s her! She’s moving around!” When we shifted over to our little boy he was kicking up a storm, not just rolling over…the kicks were so loud! It sounded like someone was slapping their hand over a microphone. So awesome!

I’m just feeling happy tonight, and so lucky that C and I were able to experience this. As of Friday we’ll be halfway there…it’s going by so fast! I am just going to sit back and enjoy the ride. :)


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Nuptial Reality Check

Today is the wedding day of our very good friend and C is a groomsman. Last night we attended the rehearsal and dinner at the winery where the wedding is being held. Of about 18 people in attendance THREE of them were pregnant women. What a crazy percentage!  This is going to sound strange but, when I saw them, it was such a shock!

When you are pregnant for the first time it is quite a selfish time in your life (This, too, is strange, because it’s also one of the most selfless times since you are growing people and whatnot). As a pregnant woman it is very easy to accept the attention and excitement from well-wishing family, friends, colleagues, and strangers and to focus exclusively on “me.” Therefore, when one encounters another pregnant woman it is unsettling! I am pregnant…how can she be pregnant too? This has nothing to do with jealousy or anger at losing attention…it is more like surprised amazement that other people can be going through the same thing as me, and have their own little world inside them as well! Obviously I realize that there are simply thousands of pregnant women in the world at any given moment, but it is so strange to think that all of those women can be having the same thoughts, emotions, fears, and excitement as I am when this pregnancy of mine is unique, and my babies so special!

I am not sure if I successfully conveyed what I was trying to convey here, but I hope you get to general idea. Pregnancy does weird things to you.


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Waiting for my real life to begin

I don’t know when the reality of our situation is going to really hit me. So far these past sixteen weeks I have been waiting for confirmation, assurances, and always that “next step” which will finally allow me to accept the fact that we are, indeed, pregnant with twins. I keep telling myself “Oh, it will be ‘real’ to me once we get both heartbeats.” Then I was sure that once twelve weeks came and went I would have accepted and embraced it. Once my belly started protruding I was positive that it was time for me to know (mentally and physically) I was pregnant. Even now, after five ultrasounds, the babies growing from the size of various legumes to avocados, and even after identifying their genders I’m still unsure. Will this feeling of doubt and uncertainty ever go away? What is it going to take for me to know this is for real?

Perhaps even with all of these physical changes I’m experiencing, I’m missing the crucial one that will, once and for all, let me accept that our Trying To Conceive journey is over. Once I feel these little avocados move will I finally know that this is it for us, that we really did what we set out to do and we’re really going to be parents? I hope that it happens soon…I’m ready!

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It’s a…

BOY and a GIRL!! We had an ultrasound today and it was clear as day. We’re so excited! :)


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May I please draft a venting post? If you are not interested in hearing a pregnant infertile rant, then by all means navigate away from this page…because here it comes.

I am semi-obsessed with the website BabyCenter. It is an informative and interesting site, with articles and tool and surveys…and discussion boards. I (stupidly, I will admit) am a member of several of these boards and regularly read and comment on other pregnant women’s posts. These posts range from announcements, funny stories, “What should I do?” posts, and inquiries on all aspects of pregnancy. One post I stumbled upon today, innocently enough, was entitled “Blood Test to tell Sex?” and mentioned an elective blood test (not currently available in the U.S.) that can accurately reveal your baby’s gender as early as seven weeks into pregnancy. (There is an article here if you are interested. I personally did not read it.)

So, as always happens on these boards, a mini-debate was sparked on where the test is done, whether one would do it if it was available, and so on until it reaches the point of whether one should perform this test.  One person eventually brings up “designer babies” and how reproductive technology has started down a dangerous path and that they fear for the future, blah, blah, blah. I’m just casually reading the comments up to this point…that is until another poster agrees with the “designer baby” lady and says, and I quote:

“Hopefully I instill enough morals in my children that they ALWAYS choose the natural normal way to have children.”

After reading those words I was so angry I almost vomited. How dare that woman suggest that there is something abnormal and nefarious in the manner in which we conceived these babies. Will my offspring have bionic limbs, or plastic organs, or not feel, or love? Will they not be “natural” children? Will you be able to tell your baby and my babies apart in the nursery because yours is normal and mine are not? Simply due to the way that C and I were made by nature, IVF was the only possible way that we could have gotten pregnant!

Does the “choice” (I use the term loosely…and bitterly) to conceive through Assistive Reproductive Technology make me and my husband immoral degenerates? NO! It makes us a couple who cared, and tried, and loved, and hoped, and failed, and tried and failed again and again but would NEVER STOP until they brought life into this world, no matter the cost. Would we have preferred the “natural normal way to have children?” Of course! But that wasn’t meant to be for us, nor for the thousands of other couples that struggle with infertility.

Infertiles do what we can with what we have, and screw you if we don’t conform to your morals and fit into your nice little “natural normal” box. My babies are going to be more wanted, more loved, more anticipated and more appreciated than your “natural normal” kid EVER will be, so piss off you ignorant bigot.


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Gah! I have gotten so terrible at this blog thing. School doesn’t start until Monday, so I’m just enjoying the simple, summer life at the moment. Life is just so much calmer and freer from drama than it was this spring that it makes for less riveting blog-fodder…not that I’m complaining!

Was it really less than four months ago that we were fighting to not be consumed by the doubt and fear surrounding the inauguration of our first IVF cycle? That time of anxiety, stress, shots, and tests was all we could think about. We could barely hope for success; it had been so long since we had any good news that we almost forgot what getting good news was like. Then suddenly, one afternoon in late May, everything changed for the better.

Since then life has been happier and less dramatic. Not to say that these past 15 weeks have been worry-free. Pregnancy brings with it a new bundle of fears and worries, this time neatly packed into ultrasounds and FDA warnings instead of syringes. We can handle pregnancy…that’s the easy part! It’s the before and after that are the most challenging!

The twins are doing very well. They are very active and are as big as lemons now! I keep grabbing two lemons out of the fridge and holding them up to my growing belly…for scale, you see. I have felt them, very faintly, but I am looking forward to really be able to feel them moving. Perhaps it will make all of this seem more real! Our next appointment is on Tuesday morning, and if everyone cooperates we should be able to tell the genders! I am extremely excited, because knowing the genders will mean I can really begin planning for these babies.

I am feeling that Baby A is a boy…I dreamt about it. Baby B I don’t really have a “feeling” about, but my doctor seems to think that B is a girl. What do you think? Any dreams? Intuitions? Let me know what you think!

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