Tag Archives: ART

Disgusted

May I please draft a venting post? If you are not interested in hearing a pregnant infertile rant, then by all means navigate away from this page…because here it comes.

I am semi-obsessed with the website BabyCenter. It is an informative and interesting site, with articles and tool and surveys…and discussion boards. I (stupidly, I will admit) am a member of several of these boards and regularly read and comment on other pregnant women’s posts. These posts range from announcements, funny stories, “What should I do?” posts, and inquiries on all aspects of pregnancy. One post I stumbled upon today, innocently enough, was entitled “Blood Test to tell Sex?” and mentioned an elective blood test (not currently available in the U.S.) that can accurately reveal your baby’s gender as early as seven weeks into pregnancy. (There is an article here if you are interested. I personally did not read it.)

So, as always happens on these boards, a mini-debate was sparked on where the test is done, whether one would do it if it was available, and so on until it reaches the point of whether one should perform this test.  One person eventually brings up “designer babies” and how reproductive technology has started down a dangerous path and that they fear for the future, blah, blah, blah. I’m just casually reading the comments up to this point…that is until another poster agrees with the “designer baby” lady and says, and I quote:

“Hopefully I instill enough morals in my children that they ALWAYS choose the natural normal way to have children.”

After reading those words I was so angry I almost vomited. How dare that woman suggest that there is something abnormal and nefarious in the manner in which we conceived these babies. Will my offspring have bionic limbs, or plastic organs, or not feel, or love? Will they not be “natural” children? Will you be able to tell your baby and my babies apart in the nursery because yours is normal and mine are not? Simply due to the way that C and I were made by nature, IVF was the only possible way that we could have gotten pregnant!

Does the “choice” (I use the term loosely…and bitterly) to conceive through Assistive Reproductive Technology make me and my husband immoral degenerates? NO! It makes us a couple who cared, and tried, and loved, and hoped, and failed, and tried and failed again and again but would NEVER STOP until they brought life into this world, no matter the cost. Would we have preferred the “natural normal way to have children?” Of course! But that wasn’t meant to be for us, nor for the thousands of other couples that struggle with infertility.

Infertiles do what we can with what we have, and screw you if we don’t conform to your morals and fit into your nice little “natural normal” box. My babies are going to be more wanted, more loved, more anticipated and more appreciated than your “natural normal” kid EVER will be, so piss off you ignorant bigot.

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Infertility Language Learner

Hey there late 20’s to mid 30’s married person with no children. You look a bit confused and stressed. Your eyes are red (have you been crying?). Are you ILL? No, I know you feel fine. Are you ILL, like me? An Infertility Language Learner? You don’t have to be infertile to be an ILL, though. The fact that you’re reading this means that you are either aboard the USS Fruitless or you care about someone who was conscripted into her service.

If you are in the field of education you have no doubt heard the term English Language Learner (or ELL) used with students for whom English is not their first language. When C and I began this journey we, like so many others, were just innocent recently-weds who wanted to wait until “the time was right” to have kids. We went from Not Trying, to Not NOT Trying (what does that even mean?), to Trying…and trying…and trying….to INFERTILITY! Suddenly we were cruelly tossed into a restless sea of acronyms and abbreviations, mucus and morphology, hormones and heartbreak, analyses and…alliteration, apparently.

As with any medical condition, the universe presented us with a new vocabulary to quickly absorb and allow to dominate our lives; we became Infertility Language Learners. In short order we mastered terms like endometriosis, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), sperm counts, motility & morphology…and these were just the infertility issues with which we were both diagnosed! We hadn’t even started talking about ART yet…oh, sorry…Assisted Reproductive Technology. So we were referred to an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) who quickly ruled out IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) and drugs like clomid and we were sent down the merry road of IVF (in vitro fertilization) which has its own set of terms and procedures; IMI (intramuscular injections), ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection), egg retrievals, embryo transfers, and all the medications to keep straight; how much of which medication? When? Injection? Oral? Other?! Without a doubt it can be overwhelming for any couple.

As for C and me…we’re just here waiting. After months and months of studying we just had our final exams. I hope they post the results soon!

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