Today is Memorial Day and people all over the country will be going to the pool, barbecuing with family and friends, leaving flowers at grave sites, and reflecting on the lives of their friends and loved ones who have passed. C and I will just be trying to keep busy to make today go by as fast as possible so that tomorrow morning we can get test #2, call the doctor, and get some answers.
Though one might not think it, Memorial Day can actually be tough for an infertile couple; all those family cook outs where well-intentioned aunts and uncles are asking “When are you going to have kids?”, abstaining from alcohol because this time, this time really might be the real deal, embarrassed to wear a bathing suit because your stomach is bruised and bloated from shots and medications, and dwelling on the beautiful lives that could have been for those tiny embryos for whom you had so much love, but were lost.
I have so much respect, love, and sympathy for those who have gone down this road before me. The physical and emotional strength that it takes to keep going after each loss is staggering, and I would never wish that grief on anyone.
So even as today C and I have that tiny glimmer of hope shining at us, we still need to keep ourselves grounded and realistic and know that, no matter what tomorrow brings, there is still a long journey ahead of us.
“All human wisdom is summed up in two words- wait and hope”~Alexandre Dumas Père
I think I just found the new slogan for infertile couples everywhere. Could there be a more appropriate quote for those who are counting every day, hour, and minute until they find out their results? When the injections have finished, when the blood tests and ultrasounds have been analyzed, when the eggs have been retrieved, fertilized and monitored, and once those precious embryos have been delicately transferred into an eager womb, there is literally nothing left to do.
Just wait. And hope.
C and I are right in the middle of The Two Week Wait (capitals intended). This is not just an infertility term, but actually is used for all women trying to conceive. The Two Week Wait is the time (in an ideal cycle 14 days) between ovulation and menses, but that’s not what really makes the phrase earn its capitalization. This is the time that couples wait, fertile and infertile alike, for a positive pregnancy test.
The Two Week Wait is probably the most dreaded step in the entire IVF process (yes, even more than the needles!). The strong, inspiring women that I’ve met through this process are women of action; we got tired of waiting for Nature do Her job, so we decided to do something about it. We chose to have our babies created by scientists in a laboratory through IVF, because that’s all we could do. There is so much preparation and pressure and build-up to…nothing. This sudden inaction brings with it the greatest doubts, uncertainty, worry that I’ve ever felt, and yeah, maybe I can squeeze a little bit of hope in there too.
C and I are doing our best to be hopeful (can I even say be positive?), stay busy, and keep me from drinking bottles of wine out of nervousness and anticipation. So are we being wise as Monsieur Alexandre Dumas Père suggests? No. We’re just doing all we can.