Today is Memorial Day and people all over the country will be going to the pool, barbecuing with family and friends, leaving flowers at grave sites, and reflecting on the lives of their friends and loved ones who have passed. C and I will just be trying to keep busy to make today go by as fast as possible so that tomorrow morning we can get test #2, call the doctor, and get some answers.
Though one might not think it, Memorial Day can actually be tough for an infertile couple; all those family cook outs where well-intentioned aunts and uncles are asking “When are you going to have kids?”, abstaining from alcohol because this time, this time really might be the real deal, embarrassed to wear a bathing suit because your stomach is bruised and bloated from shots and medications, and dwelling on the beautiful lives that could have been for those tiny embryos for whom you had so much love, but were lost.
I have so much respect, love, and sympathy for those who have gone down this road before me. The physical and emotional strength that it takes to keep going after each loss is staggering, and I would never wish that grief on anyone.
So even as today C and I have that tiny glimmer of hope shining at us, we still need to keep ourselves grounded and realistic and know that, no matter what tomorrow brings, there is still a long journey ahead of us.