Whew. What a crazy last 24 hours! Yesterday was incredibly stressful as I was so nervous/excited for today but I had SO much to do at work! As a chorus teacher, I had to teach all day, get my substitute plans ready for today, and get ready for/direct my Spring Choral Concert, which also was Senior Night. I didn’t get home until 9pm, where C and I immediately grabbed our stuff and walked out the door to drive 3 hours to Indianapolis. We ended up getting to the hotel at 1am. It was a long day.
I slept well, surprisingly, and I did my special retrieval meditation before I got up and showered. It really made me feel so much more relaxed and prepared for the procedure…I’m so thankful for Circle+Bloom! We headed over to the hospital at 8am and were in a room filling out paperwork by 8:15. Everything moved so quickly!
I was so happy to talk to Dr. J before the retrieval. I just have so much faith and trust in him to help this work for us. We decided, since we’re not doing cryopreservation, that he will fertilize three eggs through ICSI (injecting sperm directly into an egg) and see what happens! I’m a little nervous about this, but it really does give us a better chance of at least one healthy embryo… Once I said goodbye to C and Dr. J wheeled me to the OR, I was sedated for the procedure and they were able to get about 8 really good-looking eggs. Though sleepy and out of it for most of the ride home, I really don’t feel bad now. I’m a little bloated and tender, but really no pain at all!
Now starts the waiting. We’ll get a call tomorrow letting us know how the embryos look and if we’re going to be doing a three-day transfer (Monday) or a five-day (Wednesday). I’m so excited! I’ll keep you posted. :)
I got the call! As of this morning all my hormone levels looked great and my follicles are doing well. It’s now official…my retrieval will be on Friday morning! I’m excited, nervous, hopeful, cautious, elated, terrified….anything else? I can’t wait! Tonight I take my two hCG shots to trigger ovulation. This is it…we’re finally doing this!
Deliberate, well-timed, and perfect. That is my mantra for these few days. After yesterday’s blood work and ultrasound my follicles are still not growing as quickly as Dr. J would like, and my retrieval has been pushed back (again) to Friday. Sunday I allowed myself to wallow in self-pity for a while (sorry for the depressing post), but today it’s not going to be like that.
The word “positive” is bandied about a lot in the infertility world, and sometimes it can really develop its own terrible persona that twists itself around and makes you absolutely loathe it. People tell you to stay positive, be positive, think positive, use positive visualization, hope for positive pregnancy tests (yeah right!), will you positively SHUT UP and let me feel the way I want to feel about this whole thing? However, positivity doesn’t have to be a four letter word. I just truly have to keep reminding myself over and over that the “what if’s” and “but maybe’s” are far more detrimental than only allowing positive thoughts to dwell in your heart and mind. This is much easier said than done, especially for a worrying, control freak like myself.
Therefore, I’ve decided that instead of positivity these next few days I’m going to focus on gratitude. What am I grateful for during these tough times? Well, I’m grateful for my wonderful husband, whom I love dearly, and for our ridiculous dog who has driven me crazy and kept me sane at the same time. I’m grateful for my family, my job and amazing co-workers, and my imperfect little house. I’m grateful for the warm spring weather and sunshine. I’m grateful for Dr. J and health insurance! I’m grateful for that little bit of belly fat (that I’ve been cursing for so long) that’s actually making it less painful to give myself injections. I’m grateful for all the people blogging and talking about infertility to make it seem not so secretive or something to be ashamed of. I’m also grateful for the two awesome women that I met last night at a RESOLVE support group meeting. It’s so reassuring to know that I’m not alone through all of this. For all these things, and many, many more…I’m positively grateful.